I love You Too, Ma!

“Can’t you at least pretend to be a nice girl,” lashed my mother. I was deeply hurt, I was almost pouting. I’d taken it upon myself that very moment that I’ll make her regret saying it. What was nice afterall? A four-letter word with absolute no impact. I knew better four-letter words that have made people wince and look hopeful (depending on that persons then state-of-mind).

“So, mommy, what exactly do you mean by ‘nice’? Lets see what nice means. Holy cow, there are so many different interpretations to it. Why don’t you sit down with me and tell me exactly what degree of nice you want me to practice?”

My mother is too naïve, and I am glad she doesn’t’ realise it. She’d just started digging her own grave.

1. Pleasing and agreeable in nature: to 90% of the jerks you introduce me to?
2. Having a pleasant or attractive appearance: Mommy, you should know better than this. How am I to work on this?
3. Exhibiting courtesy and politeness: Ahem, Ahem…I believe the definitions of these words are subject to change…so…Mommy?? Mom…hellooo…where did she go?
4. Of good character and reputation: Gee…does anybody have the balls to tell you that I don’t have a good character and repustation??? :D
5. Overdelicate or fastidious: Lady make up your mind, you want me to be fussy or not??? Just this morning when I said I wanted skimmed milk you asked me to be not so fussy and think abut the kids in some god-forsaken place.
6. Showing or requiring great precision or sensitive discernment: I am sensitive, you know that, don’t’ ya? I didn’t jump with glee (in spite of the fact that my true intentions were something else) when I told our 3-year-old neighbour about her dead parakeet??? I couldn’t really help the glint in my eyes…you do remember the five times that it caught hold of my doll’s hair and chewed on it like it was some lifeless piece of toy. Hmpphh!
7. Done with delicacy and skill: Er…was I Ma???

For some reason, my mother has unofficially stopped associating herself with me. I wonder why?